Can I balance my new life?

Becoming a mother has been the biggest thing of my life thus far, and to be honest, I'm not sure anything else could top it.

When you're pregnant, you look down at your beautiful bump moving around, feel like a hen protecting her precious egg. Keeping it safe and warm. Loved.

When your precious new life enters the world, you feel like you've accomplished something incredible. You feel proud of your body for growing and nurturing a mini you, and nothing else in the world matters.

The first few weeks are a whirlwind of emotions. I felt so proud but also criticised myself for not doing things right. Be it, not washing up, not getting dressed, not having time to eat, not walking the dogs, not thinking about what we were going to eat for dinner, not feeding Theo at the right time and learning his cries etc.

A valuable lesson I learned is that it's OK to try things out, see if they work for you, and if they don't, try something else. 

Even now, 7 months on, I find it hard to balance looking after Theo with looking after myself. Somehow I am not even on the radar anymore. I don't buy myself new clothes or shoes, I haven't had my haircut in over a year, I can't remember the last time I had a manicure or pedicure and I certainly don't get to have long steamy baths anymore, let alone anything else of the steamy kind.

I'm trying really hard to remember I still exist. Grab a spare minute or two to workout, do my eyebrows, wash my hair etc. I would have been grateful if a Baptiste can came free in a Bounty bag, the amount I use it. 

So, I decided to find five items that make me feel better, or like me. I must use these whenever I like, or treat myself to them.

My top five items are:

ModelCo's Tan in a Can. This keeps me looking glowing goddess, rather than a glum goat.

Cowshed Stretch Mark cream. I know, I know, it's supposed to be about me not the pregnancy etc! BUT, it smells amazing, and helps to soothe those evil stripes. Grrr.

 

Now I love purple. Super adore. The Tom's are so comfortable, flexible and easy to chuck on, and you also feel good because with each pair bought, another goes to a child in poverty. I now have a few colours, and Theo even has a pair (Sorry, this is supposed to be about me!)

I haven't bought this yet, but really really want one! I love Moleskine and I must own over 50 of their notebooks. Unused. I know, I have problems. Anyway, I want one for my iPad. Yeah.

This Jessica Nails colour was the one I was wearing when I gave birth (I know... Lovely colour right?!). Venus was her name has the most beautiful pearlesant purpley shade to it, and it is amazing on toes. It has a special memory for me, and is therefore my favourite nail polish to date!

What are your top five products? Do you have a special reason as to why you use them? Do you feel it's hard to look after yourself as well as your baby? I would love to know what your thoughts are.... X

Our Weaning Experience

Weaning is a scary stepping stone in the life of motherhood. After 4-5 months of getting to grips with breast feeding or bottle feeding, having some kind of routine, and starting to feel more human, this curve ball comes in!

But, instead of seeing it as a scary prospect, it should be an exciting one. I bought myself the Annabel Karmel books Weaning, New Complete Baby & Toddler Meal Planner and Top 100 Baby Purees via Amazon, so I could figure out what the hell to do!

So, I bought us a steamer, some Annabel Karmel weaning freezer trays (pictured), some Tommee Tippee blue weaning pots (pictured) for on the go, and some Boots ones in pink. I know, I know. Theo loves all colours. 

The best food bibs I've found are the plastic back ones with material on the front, as liquids don't go through onto their clothes, and cheap enough so you can bung them in the wash after each feed, or if they're that soiled, be thrown away.

I bought a few different weaning spoons so Theo could get a feel for what he liked, and which was easiest to pop in his mouth. I bought a cheap set from IKEA which I've found are too wide for his mouth just yet, and aren't very soft on the edges. The Nuby weaning spoons (pictured in purple) are long, thin and have the perfect shape at the tip for tasting solids. The Tommee Tippee set (pictured in pink) are also good, but not long and I find the food gets stuck on the spoon and not enough going in the mouth because of the shape on the tip.

I bought some cheap food bowls from IKEA (pictured) which do the trick for now, but I will have to change to a non slip one soon as he has figured out how to push it around and throw it everywhere!

(PICTURED - Some of my must have items for weaning also include Baby Organic stock cubes from boots, taste great, are cheap and quick and easy to use for a batch of food. I also adore Bickiepegs, teething biscuits because they are natural, contain no added sugar and are really hard to break, therefore long lasting. Very handy for teething! I recently bought the Manhattan Toy Table Top Whoozit to keep Theo entertained. He is very easily distracted, so a focus in close proximity to food has helped us with feeding time!)

I was terrified as to wear to start! What should I cook? Being a new mother makes it hard to cook even the simplest of meals, let alone cooking from scratch. So planning is best here.

I'm not the best at planning, I've always been quite spontaneous when it comes to meal time, so I had a flick through AK's books and thought I would make a start with apples, pears and butternut squash. Easy enough.

I peeled them all and boshed them in the steamer. The best thing about using a steamer is all of the nutrients and moisture is trapped in the fruit and vegetables, and you have steam water to use to make the puree thinner in texture. I did quite a large batch, one large butternut squash, six apples and six pears and it made around about 18 meals for him. 

I sat him on my lap whilst he was happy just before a milk feed and popped a little on the spoon for him to try. He was more interested in chewing the spoon at first, but after a few tries he realised it had a yummy flavour on it.

I did this for a few days before each milk feed and before he knew it, he was opening his mouth before I gave him the spoon. 

Having Theo on my lap whilst trying the foods was a great idea because it was a safe environment, similar to breast feeding, and he really relaxed. Don't be frustrated if it takes longer. It can take some babies weeks to do this. Theo has just recovered from an ear infection at nearly 7 months old, and has been refusing solids, so we are back to square one. 

After a week, I introduced baby porridge and baby rice to the purrees, and then started introducing different vegetables and fruits. If you freeze a big bath of fruit and vegetables separately, you can mix and match easily, without too much effort.

Theo has not been the biggest fan of savoury foods, so I have been trying him with them first, and if he really disapproves, mix it with a sweet root vegetable or fruit so it's not a waste, but he's not getting exactly what he wants. You then slowly reduce the amount of sweetness and before you know it, they're eating cauliflower cheese!

Below are the products I've talked about in this post. Click on the pictures to find out more information.

The Birth of Theo (part two)

So! I was EVENTUALLY in labour! I was sitting on my bouncy ball in the sitting room, The Boy had gone out to walk the dogs, and I felt this pain like BAM. I now knew any niggle or cramp before definitely wasn't contractions! Ouchiewowa. Five minutes later, I had another one. I remember thinking that can't be right, the NCT lady told us every 30 mins to an hour in the beginning, and by five minutes you need to be going into hospital. I called The Boy who came running home.

The midwife told me to get myself in the bath and time the contractions. She also told me to concentrate on not screwing up my face in pain (how did she know?!?!) but I must say it was a good focus.

We went up to the bath and I was expecting the contractions to calm down somewhat. Infact the opposite happened. More intense, and faster. I started to panic, I knew the midwife led unit I had chosen was a good 20 miles away, and I was really scared I wouldn't make it. My gut instinct told us to get going there pronto. 

On my birthing plan, we had decided our route, that we would drop the dogs off at my mothers on the way, pick her up and gallop towards the finish line. The dogs got immensly excited by all my howls and the fact we were packing, putting on shoes it must have seemed like an exciting WALKIES entailed. I rounded up the pooches in the car and we got going. 

The midwife rang and judging by her listening to me, she suggested we speed up and get going!

Dropping off the dogs, The Boy was starving so had some homemade stew at my mothers (can you imagine my face???????? CAN YOU IMAGINE!!!!) because we all thought it was going to take hours and hours and everyone would need food for stamina. Thanks guys.

We switched cars and my mum drove us over to Chipping Norton. I remember being on all fours in the back, hugging a huge pillow, screaming and thinking I was going to give birth in the car. 

We met the midwives at Chippy, and they were so calm and comforting. I suddenly felt in safe hands, which sounds bad but you do panic when you don't know what to expect and you're with people who also don't know what to expect!

They wheeled me up to the amazing brand spanking new unit and the bath was already running with gorgeous calming lighting. 

They popped me on the table to examine me and I was 5cm dilated. They asked me if I wanted any gas and air, which I pretty much ripped from their hands. I was terrified it was going to make me feel sick, but WOW. It's pretty much the most amazing thing in the world. Every home needs a canister.

I tried to wee before getting in the bath, as I remembered one of the tips was to wee as much as possible during the process. It was really hard to wee, as I could feel Theo's head blocking the way.

I pretty much took a running dive at the birthing pool. I tried going on all fours in the bath because I'd seen a lot of youtube videos of women doing that, and it looked like the done thing. This gave me shooting pains down my legs, so i moved onto my back and just let my tummy float up and I gripped onto the sides of the pool, starfish-esque. It allowed me to swirl around, move and feel weightless.

Now, the contractions were painful. I'm not going to lie. But what was amazing, is I just let my body do what it had to do. My contractions were never spaced more than 5 or 6 minutes apart, and if they had been more, I would have been able to relax and settle in between. 

During my odd trippy daydream gas and air moment, I said 'I need to push'. This is what they call transition. I felt incredibly calm, serene and my body took over. It was actually not painful, and completely different in sensation from contractions. Because of my gas and air intake, I envisaged a large french onion was trying to exit my lady parts. Gas and air is trippy. But very fun! Your body pushes the 'onion' out, and you have to push with it.

I remember feeling this huge pressure 'down there' and this almost jet engine push exploding out. Lol. Gross I know. I remember feeling greatly satisfied that I had done it! I had pushed him out! Hurrah! It was all over! I opened my eyes and smiled up at everyone around me... The midwife explained "That was your waters Laura! Good job!". I've never felt so bloody frustrated in my life. That was the waters? What the hell? But, I thought they pop before labour? Baffled, and out of it, I managed to shout "REALLY??? Oh, come on!". Everyone in the room stifled a little giggle.

And then I felt a boney, huge head. Wow, that was painful. It was up against my pubic bone. Ouchie! But, a couple of minutes later and I had pushed him out. I had done it! I took him in my arms, and he was grey in colour, he didn't move or make a sound. Everyone in the room began to panic. I felt super calm and peaceful. They cut the cord and whizzed him behind me to the baby equipment. Little did I know, an ambulance had been called (because it was a midwife unit, it didn't have any doctors or unit to look after Theo immediately), and everyone was panicking because Theo wasn't breathing. He had a strong heartbeat, but no sign of his lungs moving.

They quickly got me out of the pool and popped me on the bed. Just a quick note to anyone who has to move with an umbilical cord still hanging out, it's like you have a warm string of sausages dangling between your legs.

They have me the injection that speeds up your placenta delivery, and within five minutes, it was gently removed. I would have liked to have seen what it looked like...

After 12 long minutes, Theo took his first breath. A lot of fluid and meconium came up, which was very worrying. The paramedics had arrived, and they were very lovely and were the first to congratulate me. Theo was handed to me for a couple of minutes before being taken off. He didn't cry at all. He looked up at me, and launched his fist to the air as only a superhero would. This was my first chance to see my beautiful, squished (freaked me out at first, I won't lie!) little boy. I looked up at The Boy and just couldn't believe we had made this little thing. The body is incredible. And I was so proud of what my body had just done.

He was rushed off to the JR in Oxford, and I had to wait at Chippy until I had been checked over, and had my cup of tea and buttery toast!

The Boy and my father went with Theo to the Special Care Baby Unit (SCBU) where he spent the first few days of his life. They wanted to make sure the meconium hadn't caused any infections, so was treated with antibiotics immediately.... And we were allowed home after three days.

When I finally arrived at the JR five hours later, and settled into a room, I went downstairs to SCBU to meet Theo on my own. Amongst all of these tiny, vulnerable babies was my 8lb 30z son, in an incubator with tubes in his throat and wires everywhere. But beautiful. I cried. I hadn't cried the whole time, until now. My eyes took in every inch of his body, and his beautiful delicate little hands and nose. And yet, I couldn't cuddle him yet. 

I spent the end of my pregnancy worrying about the birth, but not what could happen afterwards. I fully expected to be breastfeeding him still at Chippy, and being sent home in the morning.

After talking about it on twitter after it had all happened, I realised it does actually happen quite frequently. I was so impressed with how it was handled, dealt with and how we were both cared for. I cannot thank the NHS enough for helping to deliver my son, in a brand new unit with all the latest lights, music, pools etc. The holistic approach, the aftercare, just everything. 

Yes, I will be doing it again, and at Chipping Norton. Even when we move back to London! Although I will stay with mum next time, as I was told your second is always a lot quicker! Eeeee!

The birth of Theo!

 Now that I'm over the initial 12 weeks, I feel ready to talk about what ACTUALLY happened! No faff, no lala crap, no spiritual hoohar, just the actual birth.

So, my due date arrived. I woke up early on the 9th September, excited, prepared, and... nothing. Nothing prepares you for that. I've waited nine frigging months and the bump is late. Well how ungrateful.

So, a week went passed. Very slowly. I had my first sooty and sweep (renamed because 'stretch and sweep' seemed too graphic!) on day 7 with a lovely midwife who really put me at ease. Listen ladies, if you relax, and you have a nice midwife (there is the odd evil one amongst them), it DOESN'T hurt. As one of my mummy-to-be friends described, it feels like second base with an over excited person.

I went home feeling crampy and had slight back pain, and woke up the next morning with nothing. I was really disappointed.

My next sooty and sweep took place in hospital with an EVIL midwife (I refer back to my earlier comment on having a nice one. It makes a huge difference). She told me my blood pressure was through the roof (she did it after a very painful S&S, you think it wouldn't be raised?!).

She did a blood test and told me categorically there was something wrong with my liver and that I was to be induced early. I cried. Not only was this woman incredibly patronising and rude, but she was a scare mongerer.

The Boy was amazing and comforted me through the emotional roller coaster that day. We seeked a second opinion and had my blood results checked, and interestingly enough, nothing was wrong with my liver. Phew. They did however push for me to be induced early to fit in with their 'emergency inductions'. I went home and thought about it. Two weeks after due date is still a normal and acceptable time to give birth. I spoke to the midwives and suggested compromising with them. I would go ahead with my birthing plan until exactly 14 days later, and then talk about induction. It's OK to make your own decisions and seek a second opinion, if you're about to go into labour, or don't understand something, do seek another professional for advice. This is your life, your body and your baby.

So, three days before my induction date, I was seriously pissed off. My stretch marks had all of a sudden gone crazy and angry due to the lack of space my poor skin could provide, my hormones were like a skittle rainbow (all pretty and beautiful!) and I had the face and body of a sumo wrestler, luckily without the attire due to odema. Man my body rocked! Fat bastard-esque!

BUT, I had my third sooty and sweep, and BAM there was action! I was apparently 1cm dilated and mum and I went to Sainsbury's and she was happily telling everyone I was in labour whilst shopping. Very amusing reactions let me tell you!

I decided to get things moving further by having an acupuncture treatment with a lady called Jacqueline Mangold who was just amazing. Incredibly relaxing, reassuring and gave me a little massage too! This really helped me stay calm, collected and actually excited about what was about to happen.

I went home, had a warm bath with bubbles, candles and biscuits, and sunk into bed early. I got under the covers and felt so excited that in the next few days, I would be cuddling my mini me. I stroked my stretched tummy and felt Theo kicking my insides. 

I woke up in the middle of the night needing a huge wee (As you do. It's seriously annoying!), I waddled down to the loo and was expecting my waters to break, or to see blood, and nothing. Hmmm. I went back to bed and woke up to nothing. No niggles, no kicking, no waters breaking, no baby.

We went out for lunch in Chipping Norton (which is where I was due to give birth), we joked about how we were in close proximity if anything happened. All I remember was pissing myself laughing in WH Smith with my mum over some silly cards with funny jokes on.

The Boy and I went home and looked at each other impatiently. We had tried everything. Hot curries, raspberry leaf tea, walking, bouncing on the ball, massaging, acupuncture, pineapple, I even ate half a basil plant because I heard basil can start things. I can't look at or taste basil without feeling sick now!

Without sounding too graphic, we did the thing which started this pregnancy lark off. Within an hour, I was in labour.... The Boy was walking the dogs and I was all on my own!!!!

(.... Because it's such a long post, I've done it in two to give you a break! x)